Death is caused by swallowing small amounts of saliva over a long period of time. - George Carlin

It's been a long time that I didn't update my blog. And today while in the lab, discussing on what to write on my blog, my friend, Kristine came up with this idea; "Why don't you write on what would you do if you only have 24hours to live?" Well, I gave it a thought, "hrmm… not bad. Thanks Kris" and here it goes…

If I have another 24hours to live.

If one night, I would fall asleep let's say around midnight and God came into my dream and say. "My dear child, from now on, you will have only 24hours to live, so do your best with that 24 hours." Oh my! I would surely jumped out my bed and think over it. Maybe I'll sleep back, and hopefully God will come again, this time, I will try to neogotiate, I'll ask for my life to be extend till I'm old probably around 120? And if God didn't allow that, maybe I'll ask if He can give me more time, let's say 5 years, a year, 1 month or at least 1 week. And hopefully God will grant it.

It was on Sunday that me and Kristine went to bookstore after church, and we spent quite a long time at there browsing through books and stuffs. A few books caught my attention, one of it is about what would you do if you have only 1 day to live, it is quite interesting but I forgot the title. The another book that caught my attention is "How to live forever", it's a book about a boy with leukemia and he journey through the rest of his life searching for things and knowledges and how to life forever. The story is simple, easy to understand, and it portrait the life of a dying young boy, and its very interesting and touching. I did read the book for a few pages, quite a lot of pages actually while waiting for Kris to find her book, Kris did read the book a few pages briefly and probably that's how she got the idea for me today.

If I know that I only have 24 hours to live, at time I know this, I would probably shock or break down and cry. Well, I have to appreciate my time now, so I better get the things that I wanted to do done before my 24 hours is up. Firstly, I would just pick up the phone; call my family, all of them! I would not tell them that I am going to die because I would not want to draw the attention to me. I will tell my parents that I love them so much and thanks for bring me into this life, and I know that you have tried your best to provide for me. I wanted to tell my sisters to do all the best in their life and know that I love them very much too. And not forget, I will apologiese for all my wrong doing and I will forgive all. I do not want to carry the burden to me, I wanted to let go and forgive. If its possible, I'll get a ticket to fly back to meet them all.

***This is harder than I thought, I actually realize that I have many things to do and its so hard to choose which to do first.***

The next thing, probably I will find my gf and be with her for the rest of my time, I wanted to tell her that she's the most beautiful girl I've ever know, she's perfect for me and sorry for all my treatment to her, I know that sometimes I'm not that good and I will be the best I can for her at this few hours left. Then I will go with her to the nearest ATM to withdraw some money, I would like to leave some for my family or her, I do not want to be selfish now, my life is only a few hours, it is good for me to give others something. And now when I got some money in my hand, I actually do not know what I am going to do. Probably I will reload my phone credit and gas up my car and drive to some place quite and with privacy with my gf. Then I will call up all the contacts in my phone, starting with my bestfriend. I wonder if she got time to listen to me. I would like to tell her that she's very special to me, and of cause, I wouldn't say that I am going to die soon. I will tell her sorry for not being there sometimes and hurting her. I will tell her what I think about her no matter good or bad. Well, it's my last few hours; I wanted to use this short time to help her and everyone. And not forgetting to ask everyone's forgiveness before I go. I will then call everyone and tell them how special they are for me and I say sorry to them, probably to my closer friend, I will talk longer with them telling them that how they coloured my life and sorry for not being able to be there for them sometime. And surely I will start with digi number first, cause its cheaper. Hopefully I will got time and credit to finish call everyone. And see who is there for me this time. I will call the one I hate too, tell them why I hate them not to piss them off but to let them know why I felt so with hope that that might realize it and not hurt others then I will say that I really do forgive them. And after that, I really do not know what to do.

*** Kris, help me. You gave me this idea but I got stuck in the middle. Hehe… ***

Oh ya, probably I will go to the nearest bookstore to buy Kristine her books which she didn't manage to buy the other day. Buy my sisters things that they wished for. For my gf which actually didn't demand much from me, I will buy nothing! Yes! Nothing! Cause you deserve me 101% now so I will give me to you. To my bestfriend now, probably buy her a ticket to tour around Sabah, or Paris, whichever she likes. To all ex, I will buy you diamond ring. You wish!! I will see what I can give you. To my bestfriend back at hometown, I'll buy you a sport car under my name, so if I die soon, the insurance company will have to pay it so you no need pay a thing. I will buy many things, as many as I can for my family and friends.

Oh ya! I will do to the nearest church. Of cause, a Catholic church if possible and knelt down on my knees and give thanks for this wonderful life of mine and ask for forgiveness while I am still aware. To be honest, I will not angry that God will took my life soon and I am not afraid of death now by knowing I have tried my best to use my 24hours. By now, I think I will left a few hours only, I will just live a usual, like nothing would have happen. Talk with the one who's around me. Maybe I'll go eat crispy patta also. Watch some funny movie with anyone. Sign up to donate my organs. There are a lots more of things that I wanted to do if I have another 24 hours to live, I just can't finish writing it all here. But most of all, I do not want to draw attention to me and I will do my best to give out my rest to everyone around me.

For now, I think why I am not afraid of death is that I still do not have the responsible and commitment yet. And from most NDE (near death experience) from good people that I've heard and read of, death is not an ugly things and it is actually a beautiful things. I believe I have not done and big mistake, "mortal sin" if you would like to call it, so I have no worries of leaving this world. And I did nothing seriously wrong to anyone too, that's why I didn't scare. For those who are reading this, what would you felt if you know you are going to die soon? Will you be afraid cause of some commitment that you haven't fulfill or big responsible given to you have not done? I do not want to know how you would felt but the most important thing is yourself. Do you know how you feel? Try asking yourself. If you felt happy and glad, a big congratulations to you. And if you felt scare and weary, you better think where did you done wrong in your life and why would you be scare. Take the time to "clear your life" now, do not wait! Do it now for you really wouldn't know when will your time is up. If there is anyone whom you would like to say thank you to, say it now! Use your life to inspire others to live. That's what I call "how you will live forever". If you have done any wrong to anyone whom you haven't apologized to yet, do it now, you won't want dying with people hating you. Forgive your enemies, it's a burden if you do not forgive. And by "enemies" I mean anyone whom you hate or do not like. The most important thing, tell the one you love that you do love them, for they might be waiting for you to say it too, do not let them wait forever because you do not dare to tell them.